How Do I Kill Thee? Let Me Count the Ways

There’s something about writing murder mysteries that rubs me the wrong way. At heart, I’m a non-violent, make-love-not-war kinda guy. Until you put a blank document in front of me with one of my delectable culinary mystery titles at the top. Tequila Mockingbird. Roux the Day. Romeo and Julienned. Glazed and Infused. Berried Alive. You get the drift. How can you not write to one of those titles? {Speaking of which--did you get your copy of Mission Impastable yet?}

When the blank page pops up, I can’t help myself. I recall grisly details of murder methods and motives. I tap into my files of devilish dyings. I scour the Internet for undetectable poisons. I make note of various ways to die--advertent and inadvertent--in books I read. Think about it: an inadvertent death can be used as a plot point or red herring in a murder mystery.

I write cozy mysteries. In cozies, you protect the sensibilities of the reader by killing off-stage, mostly. You don’t let them see the blood and gore of grisly death, mostly. Cozies are analogous to the old movies where they are clutched in embrace, move as one to open the door to the bedroom, and the scene fades to black. You know what happened, but you don’t live it real-time.

You might wonder how a “cozy mystery” can even be called a “murder mystery”? I mean, doesn’t that seem a contradiction in terms? Cozy implies safe. Murder is far from a safe state.Why do we authors continue to kill people? Are all authors just psychopaths masquerading as normal? Could we authors really be Dexter, with just a nudge?

Oh, I hope it is not mere sublimination. Rather, the puzzle to be set then solved is the attraction for most mystery writers, I suspect. It is satisfying to plot out the puzzle with myriad clues and red herrings (perfect for culinary mystery, eh?).

Back to the case in point: how many ways can you kill people? There is some weird stuff out there, by the way, in case you go investigating “ways to kill people”.

And, as it turns out, there are a lot of ways to kill people. Think about it. I’ll give you a moment to jot down ideas.

<Jeopardy music softly in background>

How did you do? Did you find it’s easier to enumerate if you think about killing in categories?

Deprivation of oxygen: plastic bag over head, pillow smothering, drowning, fire, strangulation, bury alive, and so on.

Traumatic injury: electrocution, car accident, bludgeoning, stabbing, shooting, hack off limbs, pierce the brain, sever artery, freezing, mauling, and more.

Chemical: drug overdose, toxic household items, toxic plants, acid, inhaling 100% oxygen, paralytic drug so systems shut down, radiation, viral, etc.

Then of course there’s the mass murder and serial murder. So many options for a writer. The only answer for us, of course, is to keep writing books and use up all the ways there are to do somebody in.

But, why do we choose murder? Can’t we just have some theft, a little B&E, nobody gets physically hurt, and call it a real cozy?

Nah!

When one door closes (or isn't there) . . .

A new beginning. Pastablilities.

Maybe changing the name of the book will make it easier to re-think how I am going to write a murder mystery that is mysterious.

I only had about a third of the book to finish. My red herrings were being cleared and others were deepening so I could conceal my killer’s identity. I knew who was doing what when. I wrote almost all the ending chapter so I’d know for sure where I was headed in the ones leading up to it.

When I got back to the killer and started to reveal his involvement, it hit me. He wouldn’t kill his boss over the motive I had identified. He is a grifter and a poser. He would simply melt away as he had in all his previous lives. Killing his boss was not his M.O.

I sent a chapter to Sandy and Annie, members of Pens Afire, my critique group. “This is the last chapter of Impastable I am sending you. I am abandoning this book and moving on to another one. My killer’s motive isn’t one. Talk me down, Ladies!”

Aren’t critique partners amazing? Sandy and Annie seriously confronted my problem as if it were their own. I felt trapped in a room with no exit, and they found a trap door that can very possibly salvage the book. All I have to do is write it!

I am changing the book title, the killer, and the motivation.

Piece of cake, as we in the culinary mystery book biz say.

In Defense of Formula Writing

While a university professor, I taught classes for aspiring teachers on children’s literature. I love fine literature of the children’s sort as well as adult. But, I am not a literary snob.

For my own children, I bought Eric Carle and his ilk, but I also bought the Goosebumps and Animorph series. Of my own literary diet, I like to say that I have some junk food along with the gourmet. Why, you might ask, would I support feeding my children the equivalent of junk food literature?

Working with struggling readers and later with the teachers of struggling readers for so many years, I observed that way too many kids didn’t know how to think along with text as they were reading. They didn’t know their brains were supposed to be busy processing and questioning and wondering along with the author.

I believe that most of us (I can’t say all, of course—but the majority from my analysis) became “active readers” (those who process, question, and wonder) at the feet of Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Goosebumps, et al. Reading those formula books inculcated the basics of story structure, because, believe me, when I was a child eons ago, no teacher addressed those elements now taught in kindergarten.

Through Nancy’s struggles (which I always knew she would overcome, the fun was in how she’d do it this time), I learned about plot structure, how important connecting to characters is, and how necessary a satisfying conclusion is to the reader. To this day, I read formula writing. I love culinary mysteries.

When I read my first Diane Mott Davidson, I was hooked. She is the reigning queen. And his court is studded with others almost like her whom I also read. Why, you might wonder, does someone who enjoys award-winning literary fiction read highly commercial fiction? Because, even though I know how it will end, the trip there is still fun.

You live with characters in series fiction, genre fiction. You know how they will react from your familiarity with them and rejoice when you learn more of their back story. Even though you know them, you always find out more in each book.

I am currently writing a culinary mystery in my “Dinner is Served” series with personal chef partners Gina and Allie. Go to my website to read an excerpt at www.AuthorSAM.com and let me know what you think.

You know, the reading of genre fiction is easy, but the writing . . . not so much. I have a lot of respect for “Carolyn Keene” keeping me reeled in with Nancy for so many years.