How Do I Kill Thee? Let Me Count the Ways

There’s something about writing murder mysteries that rubs me the wrong way. At heart, I’m a non-violent, make-love-not-war kinda guy. Until you put a blank document in front of me with one of my delectable culinary mystery titles at the top. Tequila Mockingbird. Roux the Day. Romeo and Julienned. Glazed and Infused. Berried Alive. You get the drift. How can you not write to one of those titles? {Speaking of which--did you get your copy of Mission Impastable yet?}

When the blank page pops up, I can’t help myself. I recall grisly details of murder methods and motives. I tap into my files of devilish dyings. I scour the Internet for undetectable poisons. I make note of various ways to die--advertent and inadvertent--in books I read. Think about it: an inadvertent death can be used as a plot point or red herring in a murder mystery.

I write cozy mysteries. In cozies, you protect the sensibilities of the reader by killing off-stage, mostly. You don’t let them see the blood and gore of grisly death, mostly. Cozies are analogous to the old movies where they are clutched in embrace, move as one to open the door to the bedroom, and the scene fades to black. You know what happened, but you don’t live it real-time.

You might wonder how a “cozy mystery” can even be called a “murder mystery”? I mean, doesn’t that seem a contradiction in terms? Cozy implies safe. Murder is far from a safe state.Why do we authors continue to kill people? Are all authors just psychopaths masquerading as normal? Could we authors really be Dexter, with just a nudge?

Oh, I hope it is not mere sublimination. Rather, the puzzle to be set then solved is the attraction for most mystery writers, I suspect. It is satisfying to plot out the puzzle with myriad clues and red herrings (perfect for culinary mystery, eh?).

Back to the case in point: how many ways can you kill people? There is some weird stuff out there, by the way, in case you go investigating “ways to kill people”.

And, as it turns out, there are a lot of ways to kill people. Think about it. I’ll give you a moment to jot down ideas.

<Jeopardy music softly in background>

How did you do? Did you find it’s easier to enumerate if you think about killing in categories?

Deprivation of oxygen: plastic bag over head, pillow smothering, drowning, fire, strangulation, bury alive, and so on.

Traumatic injury: electrocution, car accident, bludgeoning, stabbing, shooting, hack off limbs, pierce the brain, sever artery, freezing, mauling, and more.

Chemical: drug overdose, toxic household items, toxic plants, acid, inhaling 100% oxygen, paralytic drug so systems shut down, radiation, viral, etc.

Then of course there’s the mass murder and serial murder. So many options for a writer. The only answer for us, of course, is to keep writing books and use up all the ways there are to do somebody in.

But, why do we choose murder? Can’t we just have some theft, a little B&E, nobody gets physically hurt, and call it a real cozy?

Nah!

Writers: Sell That Real Estate

I had a fun weekend at the Glendale, AZ Chocolate Affaire. Every February, around V-Day, about 100,000 people visit the various tents of food and crafts, listen to music, and buy books from local authors.

Our local branch of romance writers has had a tent from the first year of this event. This year about 40 authors sold and autographed books over a three-day period. Not everyone was selling romance--me, for example--but the romance writers embrace the big tent concept.

I would have sold romance, if I could have, but STREETWALKER (my Angelica French persona) is only an e-book so far. Hopefully, it will appear in print later this month. But, more on that later.

I did sell copies of my just-released culinary mystery, MISSION IMPASTABLE. What fun! Buyers got the pen I signed with, too. What a deal!

But I hawked more than I sold. That’s typical. Who comes to a festival thinking to buy books? Well, some do. Those are our regulars who show up every year hunting for fave authors. But most people I conversed with didn’t even know we were local authors.

So what did I hawk? Real estate.

No, not that kind of real estate.

The blank back of that business card you paid for, that space is real estate, and it cries out for information from you. And I don’t mean here’s how to reach me. That’s on the front.

On the back, I gave people a reason to keep my cards. A reason to keep them from tossing them in the trash or in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind. I want to be on their mind.

So far, I have two books in print, so I have two business cards. I can see consolidating down the road, but for now, two is good.

The front of each card has contact info and my great book covers on a clean, white background. Very eye-catching. No clutter with cutesy graphics.

On the back, I give content. Content I hope they will find intriguing, or helpful, or just plain funny.

For STREETWALKER, my erotic romance, I include advice from my protagonist, Carrie, as "Carrie's Top Ten Sex Tips". People laughed out loud when they saw what I handed them!

And what better to put on the back of the business card for MISSION IMPASTABLE, my culinary mystery, than a recipe from the book, "Lasagna Roll-Ups"?

Now, I have to tell you, I did--briefly--consider including ways to poison people on the back of the MISSION IMPASTABLE business card, but I feared the NSA would show up. I don't need that kind of trouble. A recipe? Safe.

Waving my MISSION IMPASTABLE business card, I asked, “Like to cook?” to get people to my spot. One woman shook her head “no”. I held up my STREETWALKER business card and asked, “Like sex?” She laughed and came over so I could give my spiel.

What content is in your book that you could extend so people don't toss your business card? If you write romance, you might include dating tips. If you write historical fiction mysteries, share little known facts about the era or a person. If you write medical mysteries, include some factoids about the disease in your book. Perhaps, for a cozy craft mystery, you could include crochet instructions for a scarf. You get the idea.

You have specialized knowledge. Use it to extend the value of your 4¢ business card. You might make a sale worth many, many times that.

"A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words"

Hmm. As a novelist, I’m not sure I like this old saw. However, it would seem we are becoming an even more visually-oriented society than ever before. And that’s saying something!

Authors know to use Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and other social media sites, but

a relatively new kid on the block is Pinterest. Think of a virtual bulletin board you have divided into categories. You find pictures that fit your categories and “repin” them to your boards. For some odd reason, people search out your boards and “follow” them, like having “friends” on Facebook.

Pinterest launched as a closed, invitation-only beta site in March 2010. From it’s initial 5K users, after only nine months the site had 10K users. Time magazine, in August 2011 listed Pinterest in its “50 Best Websites of 2011” article. In December of that year, Pinterest became one to the ten biggest social network sites. By July 2013 the site had 70 million users world-wide.

That’s quite a potential audience for authors.

I heard about authors using Pinterest from someone in one of my Facebook affinity groups. She described how she used the boards to post pictures of her books and to promote the books of others. I was intrigued and checked it out.

This particular networking site doesn’t require nearly the same amount of energy as other social networking sites I use. Pinterest is more similar to my relatively-static website than the ever-changing blogs I write. I don’t actively seek followers, but they find me. It’s an interesting phenomenon.

To promote the author side of me, I have storyboards for the two books published (one in 2013; one in 2014) as well as a nascent story board for my current WIPs. I posted pictures of people who look like my characters. I posted pictures of important places, events, and objects in the books. Of course I have my book cover for Streetwalker and just posted the cover for Mission Impastable.

Additionally I have boards related to my books. For Mission Impastable, I have a board on “Food Porn” (luscious pictures of food) and “Kitchen Gadgets”. For Streetwalker, I posted a board for "Sex Toys" and "Carrie's Beauty Secrets". Without any effort, advertising, or soliciting, I have 117 followers. Just think what I could get if I promoted the boards!

It was fun to put my book concepts into pictorial form. It’s actually another sort of summarizing or synopsizing your ideas. Try it for fun! You might get hooked like the other 70 million folks using Pinterest.

On Being a Novelist

Pat, my decades-long friend and writing partner from my previous professional life, is a natural storyteller. She tells of happenings in the lives of family and friends. While doing so, she embellishes with rich details, she paces the information flow, and she reveals the climax at just the right time.

Pat says she can't write fiction, but she is the most vivid dreamer I know, and retells her dreams fluently. For whatever reason, she doesn't see the connect to writing fiction. Of course she could write fiction. Why do some of us think we can and others do not? And what does she really mean by her staunch belief she cannot write fiction?

By nature, we are a story-telling creature. However, Pat doesn’t see that the stories she tells me are ones that others would want to read. Or she doesn’t think there’s enough detail to sustain a novel. And maybe there isn’t. Because she doesn’t like reading short stories, she would never write short stories. I, myself, write both full-length and short.

Maybe that is the disconnect. She doesn’t see how to stretch the dream into a feature-length film. Is that a difference between those who claim “fiction author” as an identity? Do we see all stories as potential novels? I know I do. Ah, but the execution!

I believe Pat could indeed write a novel. She is an avid reader who knows what makes a good story. But she has to believe she could do it, and more importantly, she would need to want to be a novelist. It’s a hard enough job when you want to and think you can.

Has it happened to you? You have a great premise. Novel, even (Ha!). Unique. Unknown to the known world.

Yeah, right.

How quickly the idea can devolve into the mundane. Been done? Ordinary? Prosaic?

There’s something about sustaining that great idea across 60,000-90,000 words that make 90% of us who start writing a book, quit. 90%. Don’t you think that’s high? Someone in some writing workshop tossed out that number. I have no idea how one could come to that estimate. Still, it doesn’t ring untrue. How many people have told you they have a book idea. And you should write it!

Let’s say the number is less. I know that I have started writing about three dozen books. I have completed seven; two others are about a third done. Oh, and I wrote several short plays and one full-length play. With another full-length play about a third done. (Seeing a pattern?)

How many novels have I started in my computer files only to abandon them because, as Gertrude Stein wrote of Oakland, California, “There’s no there there.”? Great premise, but thin on the development. Maybe a short story, but not enough engaging stuff to sustain a novel.

So that makes my personal percentage for completing what I start way below 50%. That doesn’t mean that 50% are history. Au contraire. Many stories are just delayed. I’ll get back to them. Later. After I finish the new one I just jotted down an idea for!

"A goal is a dream with a deadline." Napoleon Hill

I told you in the Nov. 1 post that I need to finish It’s a Dog’s Life, my NaNo novel, earlier than November 30^th. That’s because there is a November 30 deadline for entering the OneBook AZ contest for Arizona authors. The upper word limit is 60K words. Since none of my completed manuscripts are that short, it occurred to me to enter my NaNo book for this year.

If you’ll remember, my plan is to revise/edit each day as a way to re-engage with my manuscript as well as cut down on the amount of time I have to spend editing at the end. I am convinced that revising and editing as I go--something I have never attempted before--should help me end up with a better first draft.

Sounds like a plan. Getting sick mid-month was not on the schedule, but, hey. It happens.

Last November was a busy one for me. I had 10 days with 0 word count because of travel and other commitments. This November is shaping up to be relatively free of other distractions (other than that pesky Thanksgiving--whose idea was THAT to plop the holiday into NaNo month?). I tend to bank words when I know something is coming up so I can cover the word count.

However, what if the book stinks and/or I don’t have it in good enough shape to submit by November 30? Submit it anyway? Nah, I won’t. Why waste the judges time with something that is unworthy? I can take more time, if the book warrants it, and revise/edit at leisure in order to submit it for publication.

Will I make it before 11/30? Will the book be decent enough to submit? Am I crazy? If you answered yes to all three, you and I are on the same page.

Playlist for It's a Dog's Life

Remember, I only need to write between 6-7 pages a day. That’s not so much! Stephen King writes 10 pages a day, every day, not just in November. Impressive, yes? I ain’t ascared of no word count in November. No sir!

Then again, how does one get in the mood, day by day, for 30 days to crank out a novel of 50K words? One way is selecting the right music, music that will enhance the creation of sad scenes, funny scenes, poignant ones. Hopefully, the right music will elevate the dull, pedestrian scenes to higher levels. C’mon. We all have them. That’s why God invented edits and revisions. (Or was that the Devil? Hmmm.)

I’ve been writing since last Friday, and I can say I am still really psyched about the tale of a walk-in soul taking over a dog’s body. Writing in first person, however, is tough. I am still not quite in the swing of it. First person means, of course, that Kitty, my protag, has to be in every scene. I am used to getting other POV’s represented, so this is stretching me.

Back to music, I identified selection criteria and then picked the albums that resonated with me.

*Music has to have energy, but not too much; also some mellow for

sad scenes

*No words = no distraction, but if I don’t know the words it could work

*Nothing overtly classical since it isn’t who my characters are

Here are the albums I considered, and I bolded the ones that made the final cut. (Cut? Get it?) What music would you choose to write a comedic paranormal about a walk-in soul who tries to take over her dog’s body?

Hachi: A Dog’s Tale

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

Michael

Ghost

The Shaggy Dog

Far from Home

Marley and Me

Theme? Doggy stories, mostly, of course. Some sappy, some sad, some funny, many poignant. What do you listen to as you write?

BANG! [sound of starting gun] And We're Off!

Just a quick check-in with you (I’m busy, you know!) to let you know about the start. I could have typed the first word for NaNoWriMo 2013 at 12:01 am, but I was still asleep. However, being an early riser, I did log the first words while sipping my second cup of coffee at 4:34 a.m. As of this posting, I have completed most of three scenes and 1703 words. According to the NaNo Stats, at this rate I will complete my novel on November 30.

But I have to finish sooner than that! And I’ll reveal why in another post. More on my NaNo progress another day.

Below is a snippet of my 2012 time/word/pages tracker. I will fill this year’s table every day, each time I write that day. It is my accountability tool to myself. If I have 0 words one day, I will see that every time I pull this up to update. I hate 0’s!

The final column is the cumulative total, by day, to finish with 50K in 30 days. Each time I write, I log in how long I wrote, what the word and page count was at the end of the session, and how many total words I wrote that day. As long as my 4^th column word count was more than the Running Total each day, I knew I’d make it. The Running Total column is what it takes to finish 50K in 30 days. I need to be ahead of that schedule.

I am eager to start filling in this year’s tracker! Here’s how I began last year.

Date	Time Started/Ended	Total Hours	Words/Pages	Day’s word count	Run Tot. Min. Req.
Nov. 1	3:33 a.m.-5:13 9:55 a.m.-11:55 5:45 p.m.-6:11	~ 1.5 ~ 2 ~ .5	1723/7 pages 4047/11 pages 4516/18 pages	4516	1667
Nov. 2	3:30 a.m.-5:32 3:40 p.m.-4:45	~ 2 ~ 2	6792/28 pages 7872/32 pages	3356	3334
Nov. 3	5:30 a.m.-6:00 6:50 a.m.-7:30 10:40 a.m.-11:17	~ .5 ~ .75 ~ .5	8468/34 pages 9385/38 pages 10,132/41 pages	2260	5001